Alan Marie Shearer is one of English football’s greatest-ever goal scorers. Over a career spanning 18 years, Shearer scored 260 premiership goals and is now a popular pundit on the BBC. 

Alan Shearer’s 101 Favourite Dog Anuses was released in time for Christmas in 2009.

The book initially sold well, particularly in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne but sales soon slowed when people began to realise that the book consisted of 101 photographs of dog anuses at various angles and all up close.

SYNOPSIS

“Alan Shearer’s 101 Favourite Dog Anuses” is a ground-breaking new book that explores the world of canine buttocks in a way only Alan Shearer can. This book is a must-read for dog lovers, football fans, freckled fart box admirers and anyone who appreciates the finer things in life.

Join Alan as he takes us on a journey through the canine kingdom from the banks of the river Tyne in his beloved Newcastle to the French Riviera and the playgrounds of the rich and famous, introducing us to 101 of the most magnificent mutt butts that he has encountered in his travels.

From the sleek and muscular glutes of the greyhound to the round and roly-poly rumps of the pug, each dog’s bottom is captured and described in stunning detail.

During Alan’s sparkling football career, he never shirked a tackle, and in this book, he never shirks from getting stuck into a dog’s chocolate bagel. Alan always had an eye for goal during his career, and he uses that eye to significant effect when eyeing the tight anus of a Yorkshire terrier or a Bichon Frise.

With his encyclopaedic knowledge of canine anuses and signature sense of humour, Alan offers insightful commentary on each mud button, drawing parallels with the beautiful game of football. Similarities, such as how a bulldog’s solid and sturdy hindquarters remind Alan of the tough and uncompromising defender Martin Keown. Or how a chihuahua’s pert and perky rear recalls the lightning-fast pace of the fleet-footed striker, Michael Owen.

Alan also offers tips and tricks for appreciating a dog’s anus throughout the book. He shares his personal favourites and provides a rating system to help readers identify the top dog banana canons in each category.

Whether you’re a lifelong dog anus enthusiast or a newcomer to the world of canine poop chutes, “Alan Shearer’s 101 Favourite Dog anuses” will surely delight and entertain.

Continue scrolling for an exclusive extract from Alan Shearer’s 101 Favourite Dog Anuses!

It was three weeks until the start of Euro ’96, and I felt tense.

I had gone 12 England games without scoring, and the press was starting to ask questions and stuff. Questions such as ‘why can’t he score?’ and ‘when will he score?’ Questions that really struck a nerve with me and stuff.

The press had also asked questions such as ‘What’s your favourite colour?’* and ‘What is my favourite movie?’** Those sorts of questions I didn’t mind, but questioning my finishing skills was making me feel a bit sad and stuff like that.

I needed to unwind, to get away from prying eyes for a while. I needed to take time out to breathe and look at a dog’s anus or two.

As I’ve said previously in this book, there’s nothing sexual in my enjoyment of looking at dog anuses; it’s just a hobby which allows me to escape from the media intrusion and day-to-day pressure of being a professional footballer.

I needed dog anuses in my life more than ever, especially with such a possibly career-defining tournament on the horizon.

My wife, Lainya, suggested a long weekend in Rochdale, but I needed to leave the country and stuff. Not just because of the media but also, I was beginning to feel I’d seen almost all types of dog anuses the UK had to offer.

I had always fancied going to Cannes or Saint-Tropez (both in France and stuff), as they have a better and higher class of dogs there. So the following morning, we boarded a private jet from Blackburn heading to Saint-Tropez.

After dropping our luggage off at the hotel, we headed straight out to look for somewhere that served British food, but within minutes of leaving, my head was spinning one way and the other as dog after dog passed us.

Bichon Frise’s with their jaunty little rears, a Pyrenean sheepdog (whose name I soon found out was Baguette or something) with its solid rump, and, of course, French Bulldogs with anuses so tight it was like trying to find space behind Arsenal off-side trap.

I could feel the weight lift from my shoulders, and my height went from six feet to at least twelve, possibly thirteen feet. Everything was great, and stuff, but things went up a notch after dinner when I noticed a Picardy Spaniel crossing the road not fifteen feet in front of me.

It seemed to glide across the concrete like the Liverpool midfielder Jan Molby, who, in his prime, would effortlessly move across the Anfield turf. The hair around its anus was soft and billowed slightly in the wind like Robbie Savage’s blonde mane when in full flight.

Say what you like about the French, but their dogs have wonderful anuses. After four days of fine wine, lovely British food cooked by French chef’s and more dog anuses than I imagined possible, I was back in England and ready for Euro 96 and stuff.

*Either red, blue, green (dark & forest), light brown, purple, yellow or orange
**Scary Movie 5