Anal & Prolapse Are My Safe Words is an erotic novel written by Soph Ukitt and was released in 2013 to no fanfare. The book received only one review from an obscure blog, giving it 1 star out of 10.

The book is also available on Amazon and has been downloaded three times. It received only one review, which said the buyer had downloaded it by mistake.

SYNOPSIS

In the erotic tale “Anal & Prolapse Are My Safe Words,” author Soph Ukitt weaves a steamy tale that unfolds amidst the most unexpected circumstances. Prepare to be swept away as you follow the enchanting journey of two souls brought together by a shared love for incredibly slow, painful, and often tedious sexual acts with only the occasional climax.

Lily is a young woman embarking on a new chapter of her life after she gets a job at Pound Stretcher, a quaint store that sells cheaply made goods that are ultimately bad for the environment.

There, she meets Max, the store manager and slowly, they begin to understand that each of them holds dark secrets, including a fondness for kinky sex, as well as a deep respect for the small whiteboards people have in their kitchens, which are primarily used to help remind the inhabitants of households to buy certain, run-of-the-mill products, such as bleach or laxatives the next time they go to the shops.

That such an essential item can also easily be wiped clean with a small cloth and some isopropyl rubbing alcohol in seconds leaves them both stunned.

Lily’s first inclination toward Max’s secret life is when he jokes that he joined Pound Stretcher because he loves ‘Pounding’ and ‘Stretching.’

As the pair spend more time with each other, they edge themselves into doing ever more painful and predictably boring things to each other. One night, after Lily forces a pencil a quarter of the way up his nostril, Max worries they’re taking things too far.

Max also begins to notice how he is always the one expected to have inanimate objects poked into his bodily orifices.

Will Lily and Max’s love be the recipe for a lifelong bond? Or will their secret desires and Lily’s ever increasing need for bigger and wider household objects and food stuff lead them down a dangerous path of internal bleeding and possible corrective surgery?

Continue reading below for an exclusive extract from Anal and Prolapse Are My Safe Words.

As Max and Lilly walked into the fruit and vegetables section of the supermarket, their eyes scanned the array of food in search of anything sturdy enough to withstand the tight walls of an anus.

“It’s probably best if we get something that isn’t too wide, don’t you think?” said Max as his wide eyes scanned the large and often thick-sized items that covered the shelves.

Lily smiled, “So, we’re not going to try an aubergine again?”

Max winced, and felt his legs buckle slightly. A small bead of sweat began to form on the back of his neck, “Not unless you want me to pass out again!”

Max’s mind flashed to the night Lily shoved half an aubergine up his arse and felt a shudder shoot down his back to his bum.

“I’m thinking something with a bit less girth this time”, said Max, hoping Lily would take the hint.

“Like an avocado?” asked Lily.

Max winced again and grabbed onto one of the shelves as he felt his legs give way underneath him.

“Or a sweet potato”, said Lily excitedly.

Max loved Lily, but the idea of a potato entering his anus was as appealing as…, well, as appealing as shoving a potato up his anus.

“I was thinking of something a bit… thinner.” Said Max.

“What like? Asked Lily, “a carrot? Parsnip?”

Max swallowed hard and nervously stroked his anus gently through his pants.

“Erm…” Max swallowed hard again, “How about an asparagus?”

Max instantly saw the disappointment on Lily’s face. “Maybe a parsnip”, he spluttered out.

Lily nodded.

“Ok, something bigger, ” said Max as he nodded while looking around at the shelves, “I love you and want you to be happy.

Lily smiled and looked at Max with her eyes filled with love, “Can I shove a cucumber up your arse, then?”

Up until that moment it had never crossed Max’s mind that an anus could actually wince but in that split second he was certain this his had just done so. But Max loved her so much, and surely a cucumber secreted up his anus wouldn’t hurt too much, he thought. Sometimes, love is about doing things to please your partner. As the pair stood before a shelf full of cucumbers, Max told himself that love is all give and take, compromise.

“Ok. A cucumber”, said Max.

Lily let out a squeal of happiness and, reaching to the shelf, pulled out the longest and possibly thickest cucumber he had seen in his entire life. He was even willing to bet that Lily had possibly found the thickest cucumber ever. He swallowed hard again, but his mouth was completely devoid of saliva this time. Max tried to speak but no sound came out of his mouth even though it moved slightly.

“We could just take it to the toilet that’s over there and then bring it back”, said Lily as she let out one of her naughty laughs that Max knew meant she was feeling horny. “That way we don’t even have to pay!”

“I.. I.. I…”, stuttered Max.

“I love you too” replied Lilly before Max had a chance to express one or two of the many misgivings that were flashing before his eyes.

“Just be careful this time, and don’t let it snap in half while its in there like you did with that butternut squash”, said Max, almost pleading but with enough disguise in his voice so as to not upset Lily.