Illegal Socks by Giles Carrots was written and self-published in 1998, just two years before the year 2000.

It was Carrots’ follow-up to ‘Your Socks Are Under Arrest’, which he claimed was based on his real-life experiences working for the New York Police Department.

It is unknown how many copies of Illegal Socks were sold on its initial release due to Carrots personally selling them from his car boot.

What is known is that Illegal Socks has begun to attract a cult following due to its outrageous and downright ridiculous plot since its release on Amazon as an eBook, having been downloaded twenty-three thousand times with a review average of 4.6.

SYNOPSIS

From Giles Carrots, the writer of ‘Your Socks Are Under Arrest’ comes a new thrilling crime novel, ‘Illegal Socks’.

Set on the tough and unforgiving streets of New York, Illegal Socks tells the tale of New York’s finest and their efforts to rid the streets of the violent crime surrounding underground sock dealing.

When two New York policemen, Officers McLean and Schwabbrewhurtzeggerkleinjackowskov, volunteer to go deep undercover, little do they know that their actions could set off a chain of events that leads to the New York streets becoming flooded with clean, freshly ironed socks made from the finest South American cotton.

Can McLean and Schwabbrewhurtzeggerkleinjackowskov keep their identities a secret? Will the NYPD begin to fight back against the sock epidemic sweeping the city?

Based on a true story.

Keep scrolling to read an exclusive extract from Illegal Socks.

As Sargeant Kowalski entered, the briefing room was full of chatter. “Okay, you chumps, settle down.”

The room of officers quickly fell into silence. They all knew that pushing Kowalski’s buttons could mean a stint on desk duties, the ultimate punishment for these cops. The cops in this room lived to be out on the streets, tracking down the bad guys and keeping the neighbourhoods clean from dirty hosiery items.

“Okay, you rabble”, continued Kowalski, “I want you all to be on the lookout for this guy.”
Kowalski held up a photo of one of the meanest men each officer in the room had ever laid eyes on. Just the look in the man’s eyes caused a few of the officers to shift uncomfortable in their chairs.

“This is Santiago Lopez, aka Two-Socks Santiago,” said Kowalski as he held the photo high for all to see.
“Looks like a real piece of work, Sarge”, said Officer Murphy as he chewed frantically on a huge chunk of chewing gum.
“You’re damn right, Murphy.”

Kowalski reached into a folder, took out another photo, and held it up for the men to see: “This is a close-up photo of his feet, taken on Third Avenue in South Bronx.”

As the officers began to recognize what they were seeing, a murmur of disbelief went up around the room.
“That’s right”, continued Kowalski, “Your eyes are not deceiving you. Santiago is wearing sixteen pairs of socks on each foot.”

The murmur of disbelief grew louder.

“Jesus Fucking H Christ”, spat Officer Calhoon, “In broad fucking daylight too!”
“The socks are also ironed, gentlemen,” continued Kowalski, “so he is clearly selling them.”
“That mother fucker!” shouted Officer Crow.

“Street value may be anything up to three dollars a pair”, said Kowalski.
“Absolute fuckin’ piece of fucking shit!” said Calhoon.

“That fucker is a fucking fucked piece of fucking fucked shit”, said Officer Kellerman through gritted teeth, his anger barely contained.

“That absolute fucking fucker dealing fucking ironed socks on the fucking streets is fucking going to fucking get his fucking head fucking kicked the fuck in,” said Officer Bosely as his eyes narrowed with determination.

Every single officer in the room nodded their head in agreement. One thing they were sure of was that Two-Socks Santiago would soon be known as ‘No Socks’.