Trophy Hunting Safari With Dad by Suzie Pans was met with quite a furore upon its release in 2004 due to its unsavoury plot of a young boy and his dad bonding over the shooting and killing of wild animals. 

The controversy led one local newspaper in the United Kingdom, The Blackpool Gazette, to call for the book to be banned from all stores in Blackpool and surrounding areas. Over eight people signed the petition but failed to achieve its aim.

Trophy Hunting Safari With Dad soon faded into obscurity when many people who read it realised it was a truly awful book, not because of its content or storyline but because it was incredibly poorly written and boring.

SYNOPSIS

Little Jimmy Schitt was never well-liked at school due to his bullying of other, smaller children. After being finally expelled from his third school in 18 months, Jimmy’s father, Butch, a short homophobic man with a small penis, finally notices that something isn’t right.

Butch initially blames Jimmy’s mother, his ex-wife Shanice, but after an awkward and somewhat emotionally stunted conversation, Butch discovers that Jimmy’s problems go much deeper. Little Jimmy, it seems, is suffering from a bit of low self-esteem.

Butch soon realizes that the only thing that can make his son feel better is the same thing that works for him – shooting and killing defenceless and often old wild animals in the head.

But can Jimmy and Butch kill enough innocent animals to numb the emptiness that lies deep within their souls?

Continue scrolling to read an exclusive extract!

Jimmy flopped down onto the sofa and let out a long sigh. Butch placed his Uzi 9-millimetre submachine gun down on the hotel bed and looked over at Jimmy.

“Are you ok?” asked Butch.

“I’m tired, daddy”, replied Jimmy without looking at his father.

“Well, I’m not surprised, son. You did a lot of killing today”, Butch said proudly, “the way you sprayed those giraffes with your AK-47 Kalashnikov with its 415-millimeter barrel and 600 rounds per minute cyclic rate would tire out anyone”.

Jimmy nodded solemnly, “I guess so, Daddy”.

Butch moved over to the drinks cabinet and removed a miniature bottle of Jack Daniel’s and, in an instant, was emptying it into his mouth.

Butch let out a long and satisfying exhalation.

“But maybe it’s not”, said Jimmy.

“Maybe that’s not what?” asked Butch.

“Maybe I’m not tired because of the weight and size of the AK.”

Butch paused.

“Maybe not”, he said finally, unsure what else to say.

Butch reached down for another miniature bottle of liquor.

“Maybe I’m tired because I am not enjoying it”, said Jimmy, his eyes still staring at the floor.

Butch instantly froze before slowly placing the bottle of whiskey back on its shelf. Jimmy felt the atmosphere in the room change, but he knew it wasn’t a feeling of anger. The atmosphere was one of sadness.

Butch moved over to where Jimmy sat.

“Scootch over”, said Bruce as he sat down on the sofa beside Jimmy.

“I felt a bit strange when I first started killing animals, Jimmy. Everyone goes through it, but you just have to power through.”

“Really?” said Jimmy with water in his eyes.

“Sure”, replied Bruce with a half-smile, “remember last week when you couldn’t shit because of a lack of fibre or whatever it was?”

“Yes”.

“And remember I kept telling you through the day to just keep pushing?”

“Yes”

“Well, this is just like that. You just got to push through“.

“Really?”

“Remember the feeling when you finally managed to squeeze a little bit of poo out that day, and how good it felt?”

Jimmy nodded.

“That’s how it’s going to feel when your bullets slice through the air and into an elephant’s brain,” said Bruce, fighting back the tears of pride.

“Ok, Dad”, said Jimmy, who instantly seemed to find new energy, “let’s lock and load!”